Welcome back to me...

I went back to school Monday. Here's how it's gone so far. Unfortunately it's only Tuesday (IT'S ONLY TUESDAY.)

Monday:

9:20 a.m. I keep hearing ninja sounds (oof! ahh! pow!) I find the culprit. "Who are you fighting?" I ask. He gives me a blank look, as if he had no idea what I was talking about.

10:00 a.m. We were writing with dry-erase markers on our desks to practice spelling (they erase perfectly off desks). Half of my kids end up with orange marker around their nostrils because of the various sniffing of the orange dry-erase markers. Apparently they smelled like oranges.

10:30 a.m. I survived until recess.

11:43 a.m. I am asked if I am 37 years old.

12:50 p.m. Boy leans his head over his desk and proceeds to shake a pound of sand from his hair onto his desk. "WHY is there sand in your hair?" I ask. He gives me a look of exasperation, like I'm a little dense. "There's always sand in my hair after recess!" he says. Apparently putting handfuls or sand into our hair is a normal activity for 2nd grade.

12:55 p.m. We're reading the Wayside School book. There's a teacher that turns her students into apples and tries to eat them. Someone lets out a high-pitched scream right there in our reading circle.

1:00 p.m. My math book wants me to teach a 90 minute lesson (90 MINUTES!) on adding with our fingers. Try doing this for 90 minutes.

3:05 p.m. I lived.

Tuesday:

We had a field trip to Antelope Island and learned how to be pioneers on the ranch. Here is a sample of a conversation I had with one of my kids (remember my sense of humor):

Student: I'm so hungry. Did they bring our lunch?

Me: Didn't you hear? We have to hunt bison for our lunch.

Student: WHAT?!! I don't know how to hunt!

Me: Well that's why they gave you an indian arrowhead when we came in. I hope your aim is good.

Student: But I don't like the taste of buffalo! (fyi: buffalo don't live in North America, they live in Asia and Africa. Bison live in North America. I learned this today.)

Me: Well the pioneers couldn't be picky, could they?

Student: Please don't make me eat a buffalo. (at this point in my child-teasing routine I usually laugh and give a wink, just in case you're thinking I'm cruel)

2nd graders are hard to joke and tease with. They stare at me like I'm the stupidest person alive when I try to be funny. I once thought I could make kids laugh, but now my gig has been harshed. I don't know if I'll ever be the same.