Updates and stuff

This is our Christmas tree this year. As you can see, it's blue and white. Did you really think my husband would allow me to put red decorations on my green Christmas tree?

Lover and I had a wonderful day of playing.

Here is a sample of Ryker's antics tonight. Hopefully the video works. Brandon was playing peek-a-boo and Ryker thought that was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. He's been like this all day: giggling at everything, screaming just to hear his own voice, smiling, sticking his tongue out, and babbling on and on. Funny baby.

Today was a really good day. I felt the best I've felt for about 4 months. Obviously this has been a slow process. Some days are good, some days are very bad. Nights are usually the worst for me. That's when the things in the very dark corners of your subconscious try to make an appearance in your thoughts. It doesn't scare me like it once did though. What amazes me is how many people have told me that they went through the same thing, and that they struggled through it alone. We must change this. I was looking back through my planner at school, and I made notes to myself over the last couple of months. Like pick-me-up notes. It made me sad, because I remember those moments and how low and dark I felt, and that I waited so long to get help. Sometimes we cannot do it alone. God gave us brains, medicine, and doctors for a reason. Today, I am grateful for antidepressants. Mock if you must, judge if you want, be an unbeliever, fine, whatever, but the change has been phenomenal. It's a wonderful thing to be able to get out of bed and feel hopeful, to not be afraid to be around your baby, and to spend the entire afternoon on the floor with him playing and laughing, and enjoying and cherishing every moment of it. This is what I did today. I wouldn't trade today for anything. These things are not to be underestimated. Anyway, let's move on. I can't stand people who toot their own horn, and I've done enough tooting.

Here's what's been going on around here lately:

• Ryker is going to be 5 months old this month. He was almost 15 pounds at the doctor's a few weeks ago. He's getting so big.
• BYU football season is over. Let's leave it at that.
• I am so excited for Christmas. I wrapped lights all around our bed. Brandon thought it was the most ghetto thing ever. He's just jealous he didn't come up with the Christmas bed idea first. Our house is very Christmasy this year. It's full of lights and decorations everywhere.
• Brandon is almost done with school for the semester. Woot! He works hard for us. Going to school full time and working full time leaves him very tired. He is the best.
• Ryker goes to bed at 9 every night. He generally sleeps until 6. Then I feed him and he goes back to bed until around 8:30 or 9. Sleeping in is something I cherish. Ryker must have known this while he was still in heaven.
• You know what I eat twice a day and never get sick of? Cereal. A nice bowl of good sugary cereal. Maybe I should get some right now.
• Now that the boys of the house are asleep, it's time for me to go to the store.

Later.